The Person In Front Of You

The per­son in front of you deserves your full atten­tion. More than that — doing so is a sign of san­ity. When we talk about peo­ple that are not present, we are talk­ing from mem­ory, con­jec­ture, imag­i­na­tion, and fan­tasy. Con­ver­sa­tions are the most real that deal with the imme­di­ate con­text.
It is easy to avoid the vul­ner­a­bil­ity of talk­ing about our own lives by deflect­ing to sto­ries about oth­ers. It is a dodge. What is it that makes me want to refer to oth­ers in pseudo-conversation, instead of hav­ing a direct con­ver­sa­tion in the here and now?
A good model for gen­uine con­ver­sa­tion is hard to find. As a cul­ture, we have got­ten sloppy. Some­times I think that we are afraid to talk about our­selves, because we have been told that doing so is self­ish. It isn’t. How­ever, it is risky. Some years ago John Pow­ell wrote a book titled: Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am? Most of the book is a rather drab review of Freud’s ego defense mech­a­nisms, but the clos­ing chap­ters of his book are worth the pur­chase price. The punch line is this: If I tell you who I am, and you reject that, that is all I have. Speak­ing from the heart is very risky.
We live in crit­i­cal times. No won­der we are so afraid to be real. Judg­men­tal atti­tudes are all around us. Cri­tique is in the air. Defen­sive­ness is the keynote of the day. We hide. Talk­ing about oth­ers is a smoke­screen. Strange as it may sound, gos­sip is the pri­mary com­mu­ni­ca­tion mode of the day.
It isn’t that the names or actions of oth­ers can never enter our con­ver­sa­tion, but the pri­mary focus must be with the actual peo­ple present. The dis­tance between words and real­ity closes when we talk about our­selves to oth­ers — and they respond in kind. Jesus did this. Even when he addressed issues con­cern­ing reli­gious groups, he did so as a direct teach­ing to his fol­low­ers. Most of the gospel has to do with the one-to-one encoun­ters with Jesus.
Get real. Talk about your­self. No one knows what is inside of you but you and God. Share. Don’t get lost in the­o­retic con­ver­sa­tions about peo­ple that are not actu­ally present. Don’t be a cow­ard. What counts is the per­son in front of you and you.