The Tail That Tells The Tale

The Cre­ator built a sense of humor as well as a sense of pur­pose into the uni­verse. There are also odd­i­ties, from the small­est sub­atomic par­ti­cles to the shape of galax­ies. Some­where in between there is man and his dog. For all that has been stud­ied about the ani­mal king­dom, it is the lowly dog’s tail that has the best tale to tell.

Dogs do not need to talk. They have a tail. Pay atten­tion to it and you will know how they feel and what they want — the two things that it some­times takes a psy­chi­a­trist to find out from a human. When only the very tip of the tail is wag­ging, the dog is hap­pily antic­i­pat­ing that you just might be about to do some­thing for him — like a dog treat or a walk. The sec­ond you see him doing that, you are hooked and will prob­a­bly just do one of those two things. He has you.

When the whole tail wags low, it is a gen­eral hap­pi­ness. The higher the tail rises and the faster it swings, the more ele­vated the mood. At this point, you as the dog “owner” (though he actu­ally owns you), are about to be talked into some sort of major action: a car ride, a new dog toy, a long walk, or his favorite food.

Dogs are sales­men at heart — mas­ter manip­u­la­tors for their own good (and for yours too). When the dog’s tail starts to actu­ally gyrate in a cir­cle, and it looks like he is becom­ing some sort of bizarre heli­copter, then the deal is done and you both know it. To the walk­ing trail with new dog toy in tow you both go.

My dog has got­ten me to do what my car­di­ol­o­gist could not do — walk a cou­ple of times per day for twenty or more min­utes. So, I fired my car­di­ol­o­gist. Dog moti­va­tion out­weighs med­ical nag­ging. Pet­ting a dog also low­ers your blood pres­sure, so I fired the phar­ma­cist too. There is a lot of med­i­cine in hav­ing a pet.

Dogs are great ther­a­pists. You talk to them and they stay atten­tive and neu­tral. You can talk to them any­time you need to and you do not need to make an appoint­ment. So, I fired my coun­selor. Peo­ple that talk about the expenses of hav­ing a pet do not know how much a pet can actu­ally save them. If I could teach him how to drive and clean house, then the chauf­feur and the but­ler would be unem­ployed too (ok, I don’t have those two peo­ple yet — but maybe someday).

If you think there is no clear mes­sage in a dog’s tale, then the next time a Ger­man Shep­herd runs toward you with his tail tucked between his legs…