Smile and Nod

Lis­ten­ing is an art. Pre­tend­ing to lis­ten is an even higher art. Please do not get me wrong, I take peo­ple seri­ously — seri­ously enough to ignore much of what they have to say. After all, it is not what they say that I hear, it is what their hearts reveal between the lines. God has blessed me with the most won­der­ful gift of being able to look at peo­ple while they say the most asi­nine things and let them know they have been “heard.” I often find myself gig­gling in my office after some “con­ver­sa­tions” (the same hap­pens in my car, on the street, and at other events). I am sure you have had the save expe­ri­ence. Peo­ple usu­ally mean well, but they often do not weigh their words or the con­text in which they are said.

Peo­ple are the “com­mu­ni­cat­ing ani­mal.” Of all our capac­i­ties, the one we seem to use most is audi­ble (though I pre­fer the visual arts). Selec­tive hear­ing is key. Doc­tors do this all of the time. They lis­ten for valid symp­toms. They really do not care who your uncle is. The same goes for other pro­fes­sion­als. Intel­li­gence is a mat­ter of sort­ing through the noises to get to the heart of the mat­ter. Hear­ing has to do with tun­ing out the noises. You do this with your eyes too. When you drive, you will tend to notice stop lights more than whether some­one has trimmed their hedges.

Selec­tive atten­tion will keep you from feel­ing drained and worn out. Lis­ten with your heart as well as your head. Keep your men­tal fil­ters oper­at­ing. The peo­ple talk­ing to you really do not know how to run your life or make your major life deci­sions. Smile and nod. That makes them go away more quickly. Bet­ter yet, smile and nod, and then go find some­thing worth your time. This is not being cyn­i­cal; it is being a good stew­ard of your life energies.

You do not have to work every­thing through your soul. I have a list of “issues” the broader cul­ture debates that I address with a smile and a nod. It is not that what is being debated is unim­por­tant; it is sim­ply that in the big­ger scheme of things those items sim­ply do not have any ulti­mate bear­ing. Take your­self out of the mid­dle. You do not have to take to heart the trivia that oth­ers deem as impor­tant. Keep your healthy detach­ment healthy. The air is filled with words. Lis­ten clos­est to the ones you say to yourself.