Security Rituals

I once knew a man that was so com­pul­sive that if he did not get dressed each morn­ing in exactly the same sequence, it would ruin his day. If he for­got and put on his right sock first instead of his left, his day was a loss. Like all com­pul­sions, they got worse with time. His poor wife was mis­er­able. She lived in fear of the morn­ing rit­ual of mak­ing sure he got dressed in line with to his com­pul­sions. (Thus she too devel­oped com­pul­sions to match his.) The ten­sion lev­els in the house would rise and fall between his wak­ing up and his finally leav­ing the house for work.

Our com­pul­sions (major or minor) kick in when we are afraid. At heart, a com­pul­sion is some­thing we do “mag­i­cally” to keep bad things from hap­pen­ing to us. It car­ries a child’s logic. The greater the fear, the more deter­mined the com­pul­sion. What sep­a­rates spir­i­tu­al­ity from mere reli­gion is this key fac­tor: reli­gion is about appeas­ing some imag­i­nary angry god; spir­i­tu­al­ity is liv­ing in rela­tion­ship with the Divine Whole. Com­mu­nion can be merely a super­sti­tious rit­ual or the reminder of a rela­tion­ship with God that is so pro­found that a per­son lives like he or she is at the table with Deity.

It is amaz­ing what peo­ple will do to fend off their own inner fears. For some it means hav­ing a per­fectly clean car or house. The more extreme the reac­tion to the failed rit­ual, the deeper and more pro­found the fear. Knock over a trin­ket in a per­fectly arranged house, and then watch the owner of the house stiffen with a com­bi­na­tion of fear and repressed rage.

You do not have to appease an angry/shaming god. Play­ing rit­ual games will not keep your imag­i­nary ghosts at bay. Black cats and bro­ken mir­rors are just ani­mals and glass. What you do is how you feel. Resolve the lay­ers of fear and watch your rit­u­als dis­ap­pear. They are time con­sum­ing. The trash can would love to have them. You are secure because God loves you — even if you have not yet fully accepted that. The end of “up tight” is headed your way. You do not have to mag­i­cally attract it with how you dress or how neat your belong­ings have to be. Secu­rity is in the eye of the beholder. Look within and see how silly your fears actu­ally are — espe­cially in the light of the accept­ing God that bravely died for you.