Playing With Reality

It is not uncom­mon for peo­ple not to get straight answers from me. My favorite vic­tims are tele­mar­keters and peo­ple tak­ing phone polls. When peo­ple ask, “if Dale Andrews is still the Pas­tor of FCC Sander­sville,” my favorite response is: “No, we had him put to sleep.” That always breaks the ques­tioner out of his or her mind­less rou­tine of ques­tions. Some­times I say, “We had him arrested.” That really stops the poll tak­ers dead in their tracks! The rest of the answers are along the same lines. I like the ques­tion from busi­ness and credit orga­ni­za­tions about whether the church is still at 166 East Church Street. I always respond with, “No, the tor­nado moved it.” That seems to annoy them.
There is no law that says you have to give peo­ple straight answers. When peo­ple ask why I moved to Sander­sville, I tell them that I am on the wit­ness pro­tec­tion pro­gram. I first started using that line in South Car­olina. A very sus­pi­cious sort of church mem­ber won­dered why I would move from El Paso, Texas to that lit­tle church out in the swamps. With a stone face, I replied, “I am on the wit­ness pro­tec­tion pro­gram and when ‘Jimmy the Knife’ dies, I am going back to Vegas.” Yes, I play with real­ity. How­ever, there is a pur­pose for doing this.
Many con­ver­sa­tions are way too pre­dictable. The ques­tions and answers are rote. The dia­logue is so rou­tine that it is a won­der that all involved do not instantly fall into a coma over it. Unpre­dictable answers are the key to bring­ing peo­ple back to life.
One time, a tele­phone sales­per­son called my brother’s house and asked, “if the man of the house was there.” I replied. “No, I just broke into this house and answered the phone so no one would be sus­pi­cious.” The next thing I heard was a dead silence. The trance had been bro­ken. The caller woke up. I then explained that I was his brother and that he would be back in a cou­ple of hours. Then we went on to have an actual real-life con­ver­sa­tion.
I take my cue from the greats of his­tory (includ­ing come­di­ans like W.C. Fields). Con­ver­sa­tions are oppor­tu­ni­ties for growth. Even Jesus was known for giv­ing very unusual answers (no, my answers are not as pro­found as his). We can all play ver­bal social games, or we can get down to the heart of the mat­ter. My for­mula for break­ing up mechan­i­cal con­ver­sa­tions comes from Proverbs, “Answer a fool accord­ing to his folly. Answer not a man accord­ing to his folly.”