Naming Hurricanes
I cannot take “Hurricane Earl” seriously. “Earl” is a name that I associate with Blue Collar Comedy (forgive me sophisticated Earls of the world). Hurricane Earl brings to mind mental images of beer cans blowing in the wind around abandoned cars on blocks in the front yard. Who exactly names hurricanes, and why are they generally named after white suburban kids? (I teach Race, Religion, and Culture this semester — so I pick up on these things.)
Hurricane Katrina ruined my view of any nice person named Katrina, but then again I have known some Katrinas that fit the bill on that one. Why are there no Russian names like, Hurricane Dimitri or Hurricane Aleksandr? No, we pick on some nice little kid — steal his or her name — and tag it to some grand episode of death and destruction. Guess what comes to my mind when I hear the name “Carla.” You guessed it. The Galveston hurricane that gave Dan Rather his start (they should have named it after Dan).
I propose that we name a hurricane after the last celebrity or politician that really messes up (and there is a nice long list of those). Hurricane Lindsay Lohan comes to mind right now. A whole slew of congress people come to mind too. How about throwing in some athletes that spend more time in court than on the playing field? Think about it. What better way of getting people to behave!
Maybe we should have a hurricane name lottery that includes all possible world names. That way we could have names like, Hurricane Sister Mary Elizabeth. It is also time we had double names. Hurricane William Robert would be refreshing (known in the South as Hurricane Billy Bob). I have been told by a reliable source that Hurricane Anna Grace is fitting (something about how her room is kept — or not kept).
Personally, I think hurricanes should be more descriptive and fit actual social theories. Hurricane Karl Marx: levels everything (except the ones that escape with the money), leaves a path of death, poverty, and destruction but cleans the social slate and leaves an economic lesson learned. Hurricane Capitalism: blows money everywhere but blows it around so hard that no one can hang onto it.
How about we number them according to year and leave the precious names of people out of it? Wow! There is a novel idea! We can have one less reason to tease and ridicule people (whatever would we do with our newfound time?). Whoa! What a concept! If we have to name them, let’s give them names that fit: Hurricane Adolph, Hurricane Lenin, Hurricane Judas, Hurricane Pharaoh Amenhotep II…
Hurricanes are not people. Let’s call this one Hurricane #2, 2010. Leave poor Earl out of it. He has enough problems.
