My Favorite Lines

There is a proverb that goes some­thing like this: “Answer a fool accord­ing to his folly. Answer not a fool accord­ing to his folly.” In other words you have cre­ative flex­i­bil­ity when some­one asks you a dumb ques­tion or makes a state­ment that is either none of their busi­ness or should be kept from being their busi­ness. Tele­phone sales calls top the list.

I am not rude to tele-marketers. They are humans try­ing to make a liv­ing, how­ever, I am humor­ous. Recently one called and asked if I had a few min­utes to answer some ques­tions. I answered, “Yes, the police have sur­rounded the build­ing and the shoot­ing has not started yet — so I think I have a few min­utes.” She was undaunted and con­tin­ued her sales drone. If noth­ing else, my responses tend to inhibit repeat calls. AT&T has started hang­ing up on me (since they can­not get a con­sis­tent answer from me — Karma I think).

Lately, my favorite thing to do is in the gro­cery check-out line. When the cashier asks if I have my card (Kroger, Harvey’s, Pig­gly Wig­gly, Pub­lix, etc.), I say, “I don’t use those cards any­more, and if you notice I always use cash because the police are fol­low­ing me and I don’t want to leave a trail.” I look so con­ser­v­a­tive and I speak with such a dead­pan look when say­ing these things that for the first sec­ond they think I am telling the truth…then the smile comes to their faces — which why I do these things. An old guy with a kid’s sense of humor…have not seen one of those for a long while.

At hotels, when I am asked how I am pay­ing for the room, I say, “With this card that I found on the side­walk…” That always breaks the trance. When asked for my driver’s license, I pull out the license and say, “Look a pic­ture of my grand­fa­ther.” Yes, at 57 I look a bit like my grand­fa­ther when he was 57 — at least that is how I seem to remem­ber him.

I match the rou­tines of life with the non­sen­si­cal in a way that invites peo­ple to stop for a moment and enjoy some humor and reflec­tion. I can tell when I have got­ten the same cashier for the sec­ond time. He or she begins the con­ver­sa­tion with a smile. I never fail to deliver a bit of pos­i­tive humor. Humor and flex­i­bil­ity are indi­ca­tions of a high IQ and a child-like heart.

Peo­ple appre­ci­ate com­mu­ni­ca­tion as a life-enhancing art. I wish salaries were based on atti­tude. Some of the min­i­mum wage folks would make a mil­lion and some “pro­fes­sion­als” would be mak­ing min­i­mum wage. Life is about atti­tude. It is about fel­low­ship and com­pas­sion. The cashier may be another Mozart in the mak­ing. Treat him or her as such and see if the world does not ben­e­fit. Add a dash of humor on your­self (never at their expense) and bring some hap­pi­ness into an overly seri­ous world.