Dad’s Old Cadillac

We are not sure what to do with or about Dad’s Cadil­lac after he passes away. It is one of the old big ones — black with tinted win­dows. He bought it used. I still main­tain that it has Mafia roots. We drive it to get gro­ceries and med­ica­tions for dad when we are there help­ing him, dur­ing his final days. We apol­o­gize to the peo­ple car­ry­ing gro­ceries to the car and want them to under­stand that it is NOT OUR CAR!!! (I tell them we hotwired it or won it gam­bling, etc.)

Dad was a great money man­ager. Half of his genius on this had to do with his abil­ity to get many more miles out of his vehi­cles and more acres out of his farm equip­ment. The Cadil­lac has nick­names: “The Darth­mo­bile” and “The Hoop­tie Car” to name a few (that are print­able). It is so long that it clears the wall in front of it and the garage door behind it by six or fewer inches each. When you pop the trunk you expect clowns to come pour­ing out.

My younger brother sug­gested that my sis­ter drive it to the air­port, park it in the cov­ered air­port park­ing, and leave the keys in it. I sug­gested that she park it right in front of the air­port with the keys in it and leave the engine run­ning. She sug­gested that she do that and put weight in the trunk so it looks like the old bomb looks like it has a real bomb in it, and then let the TSA tow it (give them some­thing con­struc­tive to do besides going through lit­tle old ladies’ purses).

As yet we have not decided what to do with it. We are tak­ing bids but are not respon­si­ble for its mechan­i­cal con­di­tion. I do not think that any­one will steal it — no mat­ter how often we leave the keys in it. The front end is so loose that I would not want to drive it over fifty or out of the city lim­its. Still, you just can’t toss the thing. That would be a waste of comedy.