Classified Ad

I skim the head­lines then flip over to the clas­si­fied sec­tion of the paper. The per­son­als are always inter­est­ing. It is amaz­ing how much can be said in so few words. In a cou­ple of dozen words or less, a per­son can say all he or she needs to say. Some­times I won­der what it would be like if the clas­si­fieds con­tained ads from other phys­i­cal and meta­phys­i­cal entities.

For exam­ple: “Beau­ti­ful planet filled with life look­ing for new life. Must be will­ing to respect all other life forms and the planet itself. Beau­ti­ful oceans, moun­tains, deserts, and night skies avail­able at no charge. Air, water, and suf­fi­cient food free to all (some work required). Apply: Planet Earth.”

Here is one of my favorites: “Ulti­mate Cre­ator look­ing for rela­tion­ship with humans. Must be will­ing to trust, love, learn, and for­give. Pro­tec­tion and guid­ance guar­an­teed. Per­fect after­life given freely to whole-hearted par­tic­i­pants. Apply any­where with an open heart.”

I think my own ad is rather inter­est­ing (because I have God-given needs just like you): “Have life will share: Spir­i­tual strug­gler with life’s scars seek­ing rela­tion­ship with com­mon souls. Must be mutu­ally accept­ing and able to give and receive with­out strings attached. No phone num­ber nec­es­sary. Con­tact avail­able through Divine Providence.”

The ad for the day would read: “Free twenty-four hour expe­ri­ence com­plete with cos­mic events. Wide range of sen­sa­tions avail­able (some rather intense). Par­tic­i­pants must truly par­tic­i­pate for qual­ity expe­ri­ences. To apply just be aware.”

The church ad could say some­thing like: “Souls wanted. Must have pos­i­tive imag­i­na­tion. Lov­ing hearts made even more lov­ing. Out of this world retire­ment plan.”

You do not have to say much to say it all. An “I love you” can cover all of the bases. A gen­tle smile and an “Are you okay?” is enough begin a life-long rela­tion­ship. Maybe the back page of the paper needs to be the front page.